The faith, philosophy, and inspirations of Rollie Hawk - Believer, Husband, Father, Son, and Teacher

The death culture strikes another victim

Sun, 26 Feb 2006 05:57:50 -0500

Here is what scares me about our lack or respect for human life. I pray we can keep this thinking out of America...

Judge rules that doctors must let ill baby [Charlotte Wyatt] die - against her parents' wishes
More about Charlotte Wyatt

Welcome back, Kotter

Sun, 22 Jan 2006 17:17:28 -0500

Welcome back,
Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back,
To that same old place that you laughed about.

Well the names have all changed since you hung around,
But those dreams have remained and they're turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd lead ya (Who'd have thought they'd lead ya)
Here where we need ya (Here where we need ya)

Yeah we tease him a lot cause we've hot him on the spot, welcome back,
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.

Okay, this song is a little harsh. But it's funny how much the Kotter analogy applies to me.

I'm going to be teaching a couple evening classes this semester at the college where I used to work. Nothing major - just a computer class and a social studies class. Thinking about taxes coming up and bills that need paid down prompted me to pay a visit to the college and see if something was open. As usual, there was something needing a teacher.

That's one of the few jobs I've had that I have a lot of good things to say about. Plus, my boss there is one of my favorite people ever (no, he doesn't read blogs so I'm not sucking up).

Classes start Tuesday for me. I won't be teach "college" classes, but rather alternative high school classes like I did before only on a much more limited basis. In other words, I'll be teaching "sweathogs" of a sort like Kotter did.

I was surprised when I started teaching there a few years ago how much I loved it. Unlike Kotter, I was never a "sweathog" myself. Well, more accurately, I didn't know I was one until after I got out of school.

What's odd about working with kids who don't quit fit into the round peg-holes the public schools offer is seeing what they rarely see about themselves. Most of the time, they've been told how bad they are at school and how they are trouble makers. And the majority learn to believe it.

The thing I ultimately try to get across to them is that not fitting in at high school isn't exactly a character flaw in itself. A lot of the folks who just love high school and fit in perfect never really leave it, at least in their minds.

Besides, just look at the most successful people now and in the past. All great men and women in history were troublemakers, boat-rockers, and just generally had a way of making just about everyone mad at them at one time or another. And I'd be willing to be many of them hated their school, their teachers, and every silly "rule" that existed with no real purpose.

I try to remind myself of that every day. That way, I never forget that there is hope for even the "worst" of us.

Two kinds of racism

Tue, 17 Jan 2006 09:29:42 -0500

This morning I saw a news report on a speech Hillary Clinton gave this weekend at a predominantly black church. It was supposed to be a "celebration" of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. At this event, she said something to the effect of "this administration is running this country like a plantation and I think you know what I mean by that."

Now perhaps I'm being blinded by my whiteness or my fierce loyalty to this president, but I can't say I know what that means. But what struck me is that there are two kinds of racism in this country.

One kind is filled with people who say minorities are just a bunch of stupid, lazy niggers, spics, chinks, hebes, and whatever else. The reality with these types is that they are actually threatened by other people (minorities or not) and they are trying to cover that with their hurtful words.

The other kind is populated by people who look at minorities and see people who can't help themselves and need to be given (and I stress the word "given") assistance whether by governments, communities, or businesses. What drives this type of racism is a feeling of pity for other people.

Not being a member of any recognized racial minority, I can't say for sure which would bother me more if I were. But in my life I have experienced both pity from some and being seen as threatening to others. Given my own experience, I have a feeling which kind of racism I would perceive as being more dangerous.

Ignoring

Wed, 11 Jan 2006 13:14:19 -0500

I don't know which pisses me off more...

* those times when I'm telling someone about something I find interesting and they leave the room and start something else like I wasn't even talking
* the fact that I didn't even realise they were ignoring me to begin with

Heroes still exist

Wed, 30 Nov 2005 15:46:56 -0500

This letter first appeared to many of us in the New York Times. They did some very creative editing, to say the least. If you want to see what I mean, you'll have to go do a search because that isn't what I want to focus on.

This is a letter found by Corporal Starr's laptop by his uncle after he was killed in Iraq. It's absolutely inspiring to read and I wish opponents of the Iraq war would recognize this.

Was the President wrong about the war? Maybe. You can make that argument. But don't dare talk about the soldiers as if they are patsies. If Bush is wrong, then so are the majority of our troops. Here is one such soldier's final message to loved ones (I can't find the full text but here is all I can find).

Dearest ----

I'm writing this for one reason only. On April 13th 2004, I thought I was going to die. My only regret is that I hadn't spent enough time with you. That I hadn't told you everything I wanted to. Being in Iraq for a 3rd time, I don't want to feel that way again because it was the worst feeling ever. So this letter is in case I won't ever get the chance to tell you.

Obviously if you are reading this then I have died in Iraq. I kind of predicted this, that is why I'm writing this in November. A third time just seemed like I'm pushing my chances.

I don't regret going, everybody dies but few get to do it for something as important as freedom. It may seem confusing why we are in Iraq, it's not to me. I'm here helping these people, so that they can live the way we live. Not have to worry about tyrants or vicious dictators. To do what they want with their lives. To me that is why I died. Others have died for my freedom, now this is my mark.

Well I can't type forever, I know you want to read more but I thought simple and to the point would be easier.

I love you with all my heart.

Goodbye my Love.

Thankful

Sun, 27 Nov 2005 06:26:49 -0500

I have many things in my life to be thankful for. But there is one thing in particular.

When we are young, we are told that people should play fair. We are told that the good guys always win in the end. We are told that people get what they deserve, good or bad.

As we mature, we learn how unrealistic some of those things really were. The world is really made of shades of gray. Most of the time, the bad guys will screw over the good guys and that's just how it works.

So having said that, what could I possibly be thankful for? Right now, the thing I am most thankful for is that I am 27 years old... and I still don't believe any of those things.

It's nice to get a good email once in a while :)

Tue, 15 Nov 2005 11:09:02 -0500

I got this email today and it was very appreciated. I don't get too many of these and always enjoy them.

Dear Lineman,

You do not know who I am, and chances are that we will never meet face to face, so I would like to say thank you electronically.

Something about myself, I am 17 and will turn 18 this December, and for the last year or so, was extremely depressed about my life. Depressed to the point of being suicidal. Everything I did seemed to blow up in my face and I was content to simply lie down and die. Fortunately due to circumstances I won't go into, life is getting better.

One of the ways I managed to pull myself out of the hole I was in, was to listen to your podcast. Line Interference. I especially like the last six minutes of the first episode. I also liked reading what you write both on lineman.net (now allyourtech.com ) and your blog.

I love your how to's and the words of encouragement you have for new writers. What you have written is of use not only to those who write tech articles, but are afraid to write in general. (But you probably already knew that)

I am not saying that the only thing I did to get better was to listen to you, but rather that it helped a lot. I am now planning to do somethings with my life that I would not have normally considered. And I owe the inspirations of these ideas to the good people I listen to. One of which is you.

And if I fail in any of my projects? Well, life's a learning experience is it not? And if an old man of 27 years can do it, so can I.

:-)

Many thanks and regards

Courage

Fri, 11 Nov 2005 17:20:28 -0500

Rush read this today while talking about Veteran's Day. I enjoyed it and thought I'd share.

Courage is almost a contradiction in terms. It means a strong desire to live taking the form of a readiness to die. 'He that will lose his life, the same shall save it,' is not a piece of mysticism for saints and heroes. It is a piece of everyday advice for sailors or mountaineers. It might be printed in an Alpine guide or a drill book. The paradox is the whole principle of courage, even of quite earthly or quite brutal courage. A man cut off by the sea may save his life if he will risk it on the precipice. He can only get away from death by continually stepping within an inch of it. A soldier surrounded by enemies, if he is to cut his way out, needs to combine a strong desire for living with a strange carelessness about dying. He must not merely cling to life, for then he will be a coward, and will not escape. He must not merely wait for death, for then he will be a suicide, and will not escape. He must seek his life in a spirit of furious indifference to it; he must desire life like water and yet drink death like wine. No philosopher, I fancy, has ever expressed this romantic riddle with adequate lucidity and I certainly have not done so, but Christianity has done more. It has marked the limits of it in the awful graves of the suicide and the hero, showing the distance between him who dies for the sake of living, and him who dies for the sake of dying, and it has held up ever since, above the European lances, the banner of the mystery of chivalry, the Christian courage, which is a disdain of death.

Live Like You Were Dyin'

Tue, 25 Oct 2005 11:55:13 -0400

Growing up in southern Illinois, country music becomes something you get used to being background noise. I don't have any problem with country music, and in fact like a lot of it, but I still have that habit of tuning it out by default.

This is one of those songs that I've heard many times but never listened to until today. It's by Tim McGraw (who has quit a few great songs that even non-fans of country can enjoy) and has some excellent advice on how to face life.

If you've never had the experience of knowing someone who is facing something terminal or possibly terminal, you've probably never had the chance to learn the difference between living and being alive (and between dying and being dead, for that matter). For most people, it seems that they don't start living until some sort of drastic wake-up call. Those who don't need it spend many more happy years that the average person.

Live Like You Were Dyin'

He said I was in my early forties,
With a lot of life before me,
And a moment came that stopped me on a dime.
I spent most of the next days, lookin' at the x-rays,
Talkin' 'bout the options and talkin' 'bout sweet time.
Asked him when it sank in, and this might really be the real end.
How's it hit ya, when you get that kind of news.
Man what ya do.
And he says,

[Chorus]

I went sky divin',
I went rocky mountain climbin',
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull name Fu Manchu.
And I loved deeper,
And I spoke sweeter,
And I gave forgiveness I've been denying,
And he said someday I hope you get the chance,
To live like you were dyin'.

He said I was finally the husband,
That most the time I wasn't.
And I became a friend a friend would like to have.
And all the sudden goin' fishing,
Wasn't such an imposition.
And I went three times that year I lost my dad.
Well I finally read the good book,
And I took a good long hard look at what I'd do
If I could do it all again.
And then.

[Chorus]

Like tomorrow was a gift and you've got eternity
To think about what you do with it,
What could you do with it, what can
I do with with it, what would I do with it.

[Chorus]
I went sky divin',
I went rocky mountain climbin',
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull name Fu Manchu.
And I loved deeper,
And I spoke sweeter,
And I watched an eagle as it was flyin'.
And he said someday I hope you get the chance,
To live like you were dyin'.

To live like you were dyin'.
To live like you were dyin'.
To live like you were dyin'.
To live like you were dyin'.

The idea of this song is summed up by one of Les Brown's most famous quotes -- "Most people die when they are 25. They just don't get buried until 40 years later."

Yoda man!

Thu, 20 Oct 2005 06:05:02 -0400

That's right. According to this test, this is my sci-fi character.

A venerated sage with vast power and knowledge, you gently guide forces around you while serving as a champion of the light.

"Judge me by my size, do you? And well you should not - for my ally is the Force. And a powerful ally it is. Life greets it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us, and binds us. Luminescent beings are we, not this crude matter! You must feel the Force around you, everywhere."

Please think a little before teasing, folks

Thu, 20 Oct 2005 05:53:47 -0400

A couple nights ago, Rush Limbaugh had his first ever speaking event "on Broadway" as a way to collect donations for recent hurricane victims. Rush on Broadway was apparently a huge success. In fact, it had sold out about an hour after the advanced announcement last month.

Yesterday, while discussing the show, Rush read the following email. It really hit me in the gut.

Rush,
I know of no way to distinguish this email from the countless others you must receive daily so that it stands out and receives a full read. I just saw your two hour monologue at the Lion King Theater. It was exactly what I took my son, my wife, and myself to see, but I'm writing this to tell you about a very brave lady that I saw there. She was seated two rows ahead and a little to the left of me, by the seating chart it looks like mezzanine, row dd, seat 114. She was pretty, looked to be about mid - late 20's, and it showed that she wanted to look good for the show. She was alone. Soon after the show started it became obvious to my wife and myself that she had Tourette's Syndrome. You may have heard someone from the mezzanine applauding at inappropriate times, that was her.

A lot of the people around her did not know what was going on, and as the night went on they became increasingly annoyed at her ticks. The annoyance went from shushing, to angry requests to be quiet, to some even chuckling to themselves at her. I knew of no way to let all the people around her know what was going on without causing more of a scene. I noticed that she was sitting trying to control her ticks, holding her hands together tightly. Sometimes it worked, sometimes not. Toward the end of the show the couple next to her got up to leave, one of them made a finger gesture of shooting her as he left. She soon got up to move toward the end of the aisle into the newly empty seats, she must have wanted to give the couple on the other side of her some relief from her distractions. When she got up someone behind her, who thought she was leaving, started clapping, both to say 'good-riddance' and to mock her. She sat and stayed to the end of your show.

I know that the people around her were frustrated and did not understand the situation, but I'm sure that these could not have been very reaffirming moments for her. I was hoping to catch up with her afterward to ask her how she enjoyed the show and just make small talk to possibly counterbalance some of the other reactions she received. I could not find her after the applause died down. On the way home I thought about her a lot. Here was a lady who truly believes the conservative ideals that we all preach. Here she was with a handicap that would debilitate and dishearten most, and she said: "World be damned, I'm going out tonight." I only hope that when the time comes to have my body fail on me that I will be able to show such courage and grace.

When you came out and someone from the floor threw flowers on the stage you might have heard some yahoo from the mezzanine shout, "Thank you, Rush!" That was me. When you answered the Connecticut question you may have heard another yahoo from the mezzanine shout "Come back to Connecticut!" That was my wife. Neither one of us was the biggest fan you had there that night and we're huge.

I don't know if it would be appropriate or even ethical to find out who this woman was, but if it were possible to give her some affirmation I would say she earned it. BTW: I was planning on joining 24/7 at Christmas, but joined today so I could send you this. Just another yahoo in the mezzanine.

I don't know whether the less-than-understanding people knew what was going on or not. For all know, they may have known and just didn't care. Either way, it's really a shame when people refuse to see the courage in those around them.

In thinking about this woman, I keep trying to tell myself that the people being so rude to her were the ones with the problem, they are the ones that should be embarassed, etc. While that is all true, that doesn't change the fact that she must have been embarassed.

She must have known what would happen. I'm sure it's all to common. But God bless her for having the courage to put up with the rest of us.

I don't think I'd have that kind of strength.

The lies high schoolers are told about college

Tue, 11 Oct 2005 05:55:58 -0400

I've been thinking a lot lately about this since I've been talking to some future CS and IT majors. There is a lot of garbage you hear about college while you are in high school that just isn't true. Here are some of the ones that bug me the most.

10. You have to be able to teach yourself in college.

Well, it certainly helps, but it isn't required. It's a miracle if you can walk ten feet on campus without passing offers for free tutoring all over the place. There are people all over the pace getting paid to help people -- you just have to swallow your pride and go.

9. Most people graduate in 4 years.

Not very often. Do the math an you'll see why. If you figure it's about 120 credit hours to get a bachelors degree, divide that into 4 years of 2 semsters each. That works out to 15 hours a semester, which assumes you pass all the classes, they are all available, they all transfer with you, you don't change majors, and so on. So if you plan on graduating in 4 years, you'd better take summer classes at every chance -- including before your first fall semester and earlier if possible.

8. You'll need to have a major picked out very soon.

If you know whether you are going for a science degree or an arts degree, you will be doing yourself a big favor. But you may not know. That's still okay because a lot of programs offer both degrees (my college even offered a bachelor of arts degree in computer science of all things). But most people end up changing majors anyway and on the average around 4-5 times before graduating. Don't feel bad when it happens -- it's much better than finding out you hate something after you graduate.

7. You will need 3 hours for homework and study for every 1 hour of class.

Some will have even more. Most will have much less. Not all majors are the same so don't let anyone kid you. I had math classes where we would be assigned 5-10 major proofs to complete a week and it took me countles notepads of trying different things to get something that was close to working. Programming, chemisty, and physics were tough too, but nothing came close to the math. My education classes were all a joke, but that's mainly because they let total morons into the education program and had to cater to them.

6. Good grades in high school means good grades in college.

Not by a long shot. There really isn't much correlation at all. Most high school teachers are giving grades away. If you got straight As, don't kid yourself -- some of those were given to you because of who your parents are, what sport you played, or because the teacher didn't want to be known as the one who "ruined" your perfect average. But anyway, I had around a 3.7 GPA in high school. At junior college, it was closer to a 3.9 GPA. At my university it was more like a 2.9 GPA. Don't sweat that stuff -- you have to really deserve an A most of the time in college and in some of your classes, no amount of studying will ever get you to that point because it just isn't your expertiese.

5. You need good grades to get into college.

This is total nonsense. Want to go to a prestigious school? Yeah, you'll need really good grades. You'll also need good SAT or ACT scores (and those will matter to them even more). But for most of us, if you can get by with a B average, you can get into college.

4. If you get an associates degree, your core curriculum is taken care of.

This is true in the way it's worded, but that isn't to say your core curriculum is not going to come back to get you. The university may not care at that point, but any entity that certifies you in something probably will. Don't get burned like I did by taking PE instead of health, government instead of history, and so on without checking with the people certifying you.

3. You will be treated like an adult in college and will be responsible for yourself.

I really wish this was true. Unfortunately, just about any college you go to will still take attendance at the start of class. They give a lot of reasons for this, but don't kid yourself -- it's about funding.

2. College professors focus too much on research.

Some do, some don't. It depends on where your college gets its funding. But don't knock the professors who focus on research -- they may be lousy in the classroom but they can expose you to more cutting-edge stuff than the ones that focus on teaching.

1. College is expensive.

No, college is expensive for some people. As long as you are unemployed and your parents are unemployed, you can usually go to college for free. Maybe not Harvard, but you can go for free somewhere.

Some good advice

Sat, 24 Sep 2005 09:57:05 -0400

I heard some good advice on the radio the other day.

Never get in an argument with an idiot because most of the people around you won't be able to tell the difference.

Words to live by...

Binary states

Sat, 24 Sep 2005 05:31:58 -0400

At the start of this week, my wife was out of town at a conference for her job. Something about working with substance abuse clients, though I have a hard time keeping straight what all the things she goes to are called.

One of the nights she was gone, she called and told me how much the people there reminded her of me. Somewhat confused, I asked her what people. She said she meant the people speaking and leading and said it was hard to explain.

But she doesn't really have to. I know what it means.

I'm generally a humble person and don't often brag, but I don't really consider what I'm about to say bragging. It's just a reality that some of us have a certain kind of personality that makes us stand out. And yes, even I can see I am one of them.

Not that it means anything on its own. In fact, I'd say the vast majority of people with that inherent trait are not happy. It's like we can exist in only two states, either on the top or at the bottom.

People like them -- and me -- either end up being leaders and experts in whatever it is they do, or end up going nowhere. There doesn't seem to be an in between. When the are successful, people stand back and see how much sense it makes that they succeeded.

But when they aren't, it makes just as much sense because people like that also tend to be pretty excentric and solitary. In other words, it's one of those two sided coins.

So which way will I turn out? Who knows? Some things are out of our hands and it can be silly to try and control everything in this world that one can't.

Personally, I'm just glad to see there is an up-side to being like me. When you can't help but be noticed even though most days you just want to be completely ignored, at least there is a chance of it all making sense someday.

Why I love America

Sun, 18 Sep 2005 17:28:03 -0400

I recently saw a Toby Keith concert on TV where he was playing requests and naturally a request was "Courtesy of the Red, White, & Blue (The Angry American)." This is a song that has moved me since I first heard it as it has many other Americans. The lyric that always brings a tear to my eye is

You'll be sorry that you messed with the US of A -- 'Cuz we'll put a boot in your ass; it's the American way.

Now it has long struck me as strange that such a rowdy lyric would make me feel so proud and sentimental. So I tried to figure out what it was stirring in me. And I figured it out...

The USA is referred to as a melting pot because, or so we are told, that there is no distinct American culture. We are told that it's instead a mixture of many different ones. I, however, completely disagree with that. We come from many different backgrounds, this is true, but we have melted them into an American culture that no other place on Earth can claim.

What is so special about the American culture, you may ask?

Americans lead the world in terms of research, innovation, and just plain smarts. Others may improve on our ideas, but we are almost always the ones coming up with them. Yet, while that might make us sound like a bunch of nerds and geeks, we'll still go toe-to-toe with the meanest SOBs around.